The day started off kind of like the last four, sweaty... I hopped on my to-do list... there was still a lot of anxiety crashing around inside of me.
After yesterday's post I am sure that you might be able to tell I have been a little wound up! Anyway. I went to the shrink, and kind of debriefed from everything that has been going on, and by the end of my time I felt a little more centered, and back to feeling like I had the courage to face my challenges. We worked on a "priorities" list, and re-established my commitment to weight loss, and education as FUCKINGFIRST. The relationship problems, inlaw stupidity, and conflicts within those issues are down on the list, and will be the first to suffer. I must continue to be selfish!!
Last week I had two rather unnerving nights of eating that included a couple of hours of grazing, and then waking up in the middle of my sleep to have a snack. I was completely overwhelmed with rage/anxiety, and gave into an easy way to cope. I didn't even taking a fucking Valium- straight to food! Why? Instant relief (although VERY temporary). It was actually bad enough that it triggered a rather old set of desires to purge (although I resisted that, and won). There are really no excuses for what I did. Here is my test- I have to learn NOW, today, and tomorrow. This will not be the worst thing that I face in my life, and I have to learn to deal with this shit on ALL levels.
After a very good day of food, and killer demolition (and all kinds of crazy physical challenges)... and a reassuring therapy session, I am ready to get back to my business. I REALLY appreciate all of the nice words (and can I add that it feels good to have you on MY side?), and I relished each of them as they came in.
