And I suddenly realized that it is tasted like shit- I came to realize that I had interrupted myself in the middle of eating my pain through a pint of calories.
The pain started again on Wednesday night- after a harsh hit of rejection from my husband I was off into that ugly place that I find myself suspended in. The place where all of that childhood stuff comes bubbling up, and haunted me until I was twenty- eight. Although my journey has brought me into a better place there is no guarantee that I don't find myself rolling around in that mess from time to time. It fucking hurts.
There is some serious shit going on right now between us that would be otherwise explosive if my husband was the animated type. I can spend three hours sobbing on the couch in the dark while he dreams away, watches TV, or plays mutherfucking video games.
I will be okay, but for right now I feel like my sternum is crushing me, and I cannot focus on studying, or even... doing nothing. No matter what he does, I want to keep what is important to me, safe. I want autonomy.
