There are so many I could write about, since the trip to see my parents was a mixed bag of emotions, good, and not so good. A rant? Not really what I want to do...
Today I am pretty tired from the late night, and early travel yesterday morning. What I realized this morning is that I need to not focus on the negative of the experience, but instead reaffirm my goals, and dreams. I don't want to spend time on that- I want to get centered back into myself.
I am changing my life in search of my autonomy, and a better sense of who I am... my identity. I wanted to change because I spent my time in complete chaos... inside and out. I want to spend time making myself healthy internally, and become at peace with my body externally.
The quest to make peace with food has not been about some pursuit of commercial beauty, but instead about not being consumed with it. I spent two decades in grips of obsessing about food, and now all I want to do is eat when I am actually hungry. I don't want to kick myself for for going off my general food plans, but instead learn from mistakes, and keep the momentum going.
The life I want to live is close at hand. I am in that really long part of the journey that is about consistency, and daily little changes. I find that it is like a distance race that I am not fully prepared for, but that I am committed to learning how to survive... eventually thriving.
Today is my first day back in my real life! Not that I have been gone for that long, but I feel like everything has been on hold.
I am going to go to the grocery store to stock the house with food, and going to clean up my explosion from unpacking. The sheets on the bed need changing, and the bathroom is gross (bachelor style). I want to make the environment comfortable for me again. I would also like to do some kind of physical activity. I want to be tired, and satisfied when it is time for bed tonight.
