THAT would be a prelude to a binge post. I mentioned in my post the day before yesterday that I had enjoyed two bowls of cereal, and it just didn't end there. It ended when the box was empty. I felt gross. Now I am done with bingeing over this, and I feel ridiculous (and gross).
So. I cried quite a bit on Thursday night, and felt like I could fix it with some Cookie-Crisp. Indeed I did not fix anything, and had to fool myself into thinking it would. Actually I knew it wouldn't, had to pretend I could lie to myself that it could, and then had to accept that lie (while continuing to pretend I could lie to myself). Things calmed down yesterday after another fantastic appointment with the shrink. My food was decent, and I wasn't feeling too sad... I took the entire day off from studying, which was good for my mental health. I worked on unpacking (still), and bought some shelving for my bathroom.
I think by tomorrow I will be balanced again, and I feel pretty good about going forward with this process. The hardest thing is not knowing exactly what the diagnosis is for my back. Cell mutation means bad shit, but it is not set in stone what type of bad shit it is. The shrink and I talked about being assertive with the doctor that is cutting my flesh out, and making sure my questions get answered completely. I am sssooooo going to have my husband take a picture after the flesh is removed and before it is stitched up. The yellow adipose (fat) should be visible, and that is going to be fucking interesting; the excision will be down into the subcutaneous tissue (deepest layer of skin).
On Thursday night I spent some time talking to my husband about everything that has been going on emotionally with me. Although we struggle with communication, he is really good when it comes specific issues. He is really supportive of my efforts to overcome the night eating, and obviously trying hard to comfort me while I am worrying over the back/mole/flesh thing.
On a TMI note... just because I usually try to make sure I hit a couple on a weekly basis. Strange thing... my husband and I have never taken a shower together in all of our six years? I don't know what exactly happened except that most of our residences have had the bitty bathtub/shower combo... he is 6ft4in... and I was for the most part pushing 350 though a lot of those years. Anyway. Our new apartment has a pretty nice sized walk in shower, and last night we tried that out (and there ends my TMI... I just cannot put you through any more than that)!!
