Therapy... for both of us.

My husband and I just got back from our second session of "couples' therapy"... it is strange to go because I think we have a better than average relationship. The last year has been pretty hard on us though, as my eating disorder behaviors kind of got out of control. Also, I went to treatment for nine weeks in the late spring and we have some catching up to do. 

It seems that we have to mainly work on our communication- we come from families that couldn't be more different in expressing themselves. My parents couldn't shut their mouths when I was growing up and tended to say whatever was brewing in their thoughts, no matter what the cost emotionally to the other party. My husband's parents developed a unsaid, code of silence that tended to border on protecting each other- but also enabled neglect in their relationships. SO- we try to communicate in our own ways and usually are about half successful. We are in therapy to really find a new way for both of us to communicate that takes us out of our traditional ways and into something new for both of us... 

It is hard to change. It is taking some give on both sides but I really think this is a great step in the right direction. As I change my behaviors it will help for us to be able to talk through everything. It is funny, as I change my personal relationship with food (and other self-destructive shit), we have to change as a couple. Recovery is about the whole family! 

I really believe that if the family doesn't recover with the individual that the rate of failure is high. I have seen people have to choose self-preservation over a dysfunctional family. I am not saying that a family/spouse changes overnight- but that it needs to be everyone and not just the individual. 

Something as simple as my husband bringing home a bag of candy can put me in a pretty bad place. Can my husband eat candy? Yes. Can he bring candy into the house during this stage of my recovery? No. Can he keep it in his car or at work? Yes. It is part of his commitment to helping me recover. I appreciate that he will participate in the changes that I need to make. Occasionally, I will feel bad that he can't have the freedom to have crap in the house- but he has told me many times that it is not like I am asking him to give up his freedom or rights! He is adamant that if he can help me stay in recovery by not bringing "trigger" foods into the house... that I am not really asking him to sacrifice anything at all. 

Yeah... he is a good guy and I am thankful to have him in my life.