Me, a grocery cart and some produce... the end of a productive grocery store trip and the start of a weird wandering quest to find something to eat for dinner that I wouldn't have to prepare. In my mind I knew that I wasn't going to find anything that read "BAKE IN OVEN" that wasn't full of undesirable ingredients but I still tried... it took me about forty-five minutes (in which I could have went home and steamed some veggies and made a sandwich, pretty easy) to snap out of my ridiculous coma of: pick up tasty- looking, ready made meal- read nutrition label and ingredients- ponder consequences of consumption- slowly put back with sigh- feel bad for self!
THAT IS NOT HOW I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE! It is really easy to fall into that trap and I don't think it is part of a sane recovery plan. I also had plenty of food in the house and frozen leftovers that I could have just thrown in the oven. Last night, when this was happening, I was in a deep pity- party and was not thinking about the whole picture. I think that it could have been avoided by recognizing the pity-party and having a PITY- PARTY ACTION PLAN. Ha! That is amusing to me to think about. It is actually needed because I get into feeling really sorry for myself and I end up wanting to eat my pity.
I really am going to have to think about this one. It is hard to stop myself from thinking this way when I am already waist deep in the middle of it- I guess it is more like I need to make a plan to interrupt the party. It is a trigger for a binge for me because I am not thinking about the future but lamenting on the unchangeable past and dwelling on my lack of control to change it.
I can only change the present and take little baby steps towards not repeating my past mistakes. Eventually, I hope to be able to look back and pat myself on the back for the great things I have done to change myself and make a better future (kind of doing some of that already).
