Last night was a blue night, and today was a dull gray. I am not sure what happened, or maybe I am... it all came pouring out around dinner time, and did not stop for two hours. It felt both good, and bad, painful and a release.
I know that I will be contradicted by YOU out there, but it is how I feel... I feel like a failure right now. I am working on trying to counter these feelings, but they are strong. I am trying to hold onto everything, and not gain weight, or let my grades slip- it is really hard to keep it all balanced when I am feeling this way. Suddenly my body is not looking as "improved", and I feel as if I stick out like a sore thumb.
These feelings have been triggered by a series of revelations, and the shit that has spewed out of those. I have been feeling so motivated for so long that this is all coming as a surprise... where did my drive go??
I am not sure if this will be over in a couple of days, or if I am in a bit of a depression dip. I am also wondering if I am down from the extended monthly cycle(s)... or having a lengthy deal of PMS, or if my cognitive hot spots have been hit so hard that I am rolling around in them... Just pretty shitty.
Tomorrow is a new day, and I know that there is a way out of this ditch I have fallen into.
1 hour ago
12 comments:
Sorry you're feeling blue. I am definitely blah during TTOM so I'm sure that is part of it. Hang in there hopefully in a few days you'll get to feeling better. *hugs*
It's terrible to feel that way, and I know the feelings of depression (having had multiple episodes of major depression since childhood). I'm hoping yours is just a hormonal wobble and rights itself soon. But, it wouldn't hurt to get a good checkup with a gyno or endo, get your blood/hormones checked out.
In any case, to this observer (who is about your weight, but who has lost far, far less than you), you have made a huge journey, HUGE, and you should never deny it.
The body is damaged when we get this big. Skin doesn't always snap back the way we'd like and we have to deal with all sorts of body issues on the way down, just like on the way up. So, just look at old pics, remind yourself how far you've made it closer to a healthy weight, and know that this, too, will pass. Things turn to crap and then they turn around. That's life.
This may just be a little funk, a blip of blues, and I hope the sun really does shine in your heart and spirit tomorrow.
Nite,
The P
:o( It will pass. Everything does.
I'm just realizing I have a jersey dress with a pattern almost exactly the same as your blog topper.
Maybe I should send it to you.
Being new to your blog, I don't know all of your background. Are you being treated for PMS? It really pulls a number on so many women.
Hang in there.
I'm sorry you are feeling blue and blah. I hope today finds you feeling better, stronger and ready to take on the world.
Make sure you're getting plenty of vitamin d3 ... I use drops. For those of us living this far north, it can make ALL the difference to our health, both physical and mental!
Hi. I think, in a way, that feeling like this is only to be expected. Your hormones will be having a significant effect of course. But I think this funk is mainly due to having put yourself under enormous pressure the last few weeks. You've absolutely pushed yourself to the limit to prove yourself intellectually - and this kind of constant stress does in itself lead to feelings of depression. Then there's the lack of time to exercise and fuel yourself properly, the changes in meds and contraception. And the desire to carry on losing weight amidst all this.
Too much all in one go! No human being could manage all of this *to perfection* at the same time.
You've made adjustments already and realised the need for balance if you're to keep going at a good pace with your studies.
You are very obviously NOT a failure. You are actually doing brilliantly - you've just overdone it and need to work some more on balance. And giving yourself some R and R every so often.
Hope you've been able to get a bit of rest this weekend. You sound like you need a bit of time out.
I know you want to do the best you can in all aspects of life but everyone has to accept that there are limits to what is humanly possible. You are dealing with serious physical issues and having therapy so I think you should give yourself a bit of a break occasionally.
Best wishes,
Bearfriend xx
Get up and move! Think about helping someone in need and count your blessings. If you can not think of a blessing let me give you one: You can write-that is a blessing.
Take care of yourself and enjoy the life that was given to you.
I won't contradict you cause I know this feeling and it sucks big time.
We both know that this eventually passes but going through it is hard and challenging.
I hope today finds you in a better head space.
Hugs, D.
Believe me, I know the feeling.
Hmmm. I think it's normal to go through periods like you're going through, shades of grey, and feeling like like you're a failure. Sometimes fiction looks like fact, and we need those around us to remind us who we really are, and what we really have. And you, my dear, are and have done AWESOME!! Tomorrow is another day, and I hope it will be brighter! {hugs}
<3 lots of love. chin up, m'lovely.
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