Last night was a blue night, and today was a dull gray. I am not sure what happened, or maybe I am... it all came pouring out around dinner time, and did not stop for two hours. It felt both good, and bad, painful and a release.
I know that I will be contradicted by YOU out there, but it is how I feel... I feel like a failure right now. I am working on trying to counter these feelings, but they are strong. I am trying to hold onto everything, and not gain weight, or let my grades slip- it is really hard to keep it all balanced when I am feeling this way. Suddenly my body is not looking as "improved", and I feel as if I stick out like a sore thumb.
These feelings have been triggered by a series of revelations, and the shit that has spewed out of those. I have been feeling so motivated for so long that this is all coming as a surprise... where did my drive go??
I am not sure if this will be over in a couple of days, or if I am in a bit of a depression dip. I am also wondering if I am down from the extended monthly cycle(s)... or having a lengthy deal of PMS, or if my cognitive hot spots have been hit so hard that I am rolling around in them... Just pretty shitty.
Tomorrow is a new day, and I know that there is a way out of this ditch I have fallen into.
