Hello lovely friends! How I missed writing about myself (haha). Hopefully this break will actually fuel a renewed desire to post, and maybe feel a little more balanced.
The move went well, with very few kinks. The original plan was to have another couple help us, but it doubled when they brought friends with them. We ended up with six people, and it took us less than four hours to load and unload! Record move time!!!!!!!
My eating has been off from the strange situation with having the kitchen (and my life) in boxes- I didn't have a whole lot of time to get the whole place completely unpacked since I had to be back to school on Tuesday. I had about two and a half days... not enough. I am not excusing the food behavior because there are always options that work, but I am not giving myself a hard time. I chose to eat the crap food and in a few days I will face the scale- I am PRETTY SURE I gained weight.
When a weight gain happens there are some ways to act, and before I started all of this weight stuff I used to pick really, really unhealthy options. Like binge more, gain more, purge to offset some of the chaos, binge a little more, purge some too. I don't talk often about the struggles with bulimia because I try not to frequent the subject. It may be one area that I feel like I have a pretty good handle on, and although until about last August I would still have faint urges to purge... those feelings have not haunted my post-meal hour for almost six months. It feels pretty great to have one less food issue fucking up my day. Now if I could just deal with all of the other food shit (binging pretty much gone, purging gone... the other list, not so much).
Currently I am trying to balance out my eating schedule, but it is hard with school. There are many days that I only eat a two or three hundred calories between my 6am breakfast and when I get done with school which is 6pm two days a week, and 9pm the other two. That is twelve, or fifteen motherfucking hours of near starvation. NOT WEIGHT LOSS FRIENDLY. Let us not forget that I don't come home and just eat a regular sized meal, but a large dinner that is around 1000... and then I have been getting up around 3am and having a snack too. NOT WEIGHT LOSS FRIENDLY.
I have never really shaken off the problem with middle of the night eating, and it flares up when my daytime schedule is most fucked up.
I am working pretty diligently in therapy to find a way to fade the night eating away because I get so angry and frustrated with myself that I am distracted from focusing on making positive choices. Today I spent some time with the shrink going over the psycho dynamic possibilities of my habits... if we hit something on the head I will speak more of it.
Anyway. I just took a break to catch up, and I hope to catch up with all of my buddies too!
More coming soon.
