1. Depressed. 2. Self-Destructive
3. Nationally ranked swimmer.
4. Ripped, athletic, thin, lean.
5. Poet (glad I gave this one up).
6. Sleepy (that undiagnosed narcolepsy thing).
7. A bit of a hard-core party slut.
8. Better at keeping into my art.
9. Lost.
Reflections on the past can be kind of an obstacle to building a new identity. I used to be so many things that I am not now, and yet I don't miss any of them because they were the result of extreme circumstances (not even #4, as it was due to my parents pursuit of pushing me to be #3 at all costs). I am a new person.
I guess I am thinking about my rebirth into life because of my challenges facing the night eating thing- if you read back I must write about it at least once a week in this blog. I feel like I am hanging onto something that the very core of my psyche does not want to let go of. Last night after my super session with the shrink, talking to my husband about my plans, and then writing about it in my blog... well lets just say that my habit turned ugly, and I had a nightmare of a sleep. It was as if the night eating monster tried to ensure a huge amount of guilt today in hopes that it will continue the cycle. I might have had guilt had I not had a suspicion that something might happen like this. This is one of those times that I just need to keep plugging away.
I hope all of you keep plugging away at accomplishing your goals- it is a fucking journey we will all draw strength from for the rest of our lives.
Above painting is a small clip from a bigger canvas by ME!
