As a morbidly obese person, I am the heaviest in all of my classes. Not only do I weigh the most but I am noticeably fatter than everyone else. This is not a warped sense of self either (and you don't need to try to say that I am not because I am and I am okay). I am at least a hundred pounds fatter than the next fattest person in two of my classes. In one of my classes there is not a single person who is even overweight (really! there might be a older man who has an extra twenty pounds on him). I know that there are other obese people on campus because I see them but none are in any of my classes.
My goals in life and weight loss do not include to be rail thin or "skinny"... I just want to be healthy and average. I don't want to stick out (except when I am kicking ass in the gym or just in general) and I don't want to be the fat girl.
Basically, today just gave me more resolve to continue this journey to health. Just six months ago I would have binged for the next three days over the realization that I am the fattest in my classes but something has changed in me and I am not going to. I am not going to binge because it would just make the situation that I am in worse! It is funny to look back and see all of the times I binged because I was upset about my weight - WHAT A GIANT OXYMORON! MORON! When I sit here and think about it I feel like a moron. It is like being careless with a knife because you just cut off your finger. Or cutting off your hair because you are upset that it is not long enough. Anyway. You get the point.
It is a depressing situation but one that can be remedied with lots of patience, moderation and lifestyle changes. It is going to take some time. I won't always be the fattest.
So, tomorrow I wake up and keep fighting!
