Blurry Eyes. Hungry all day.

Disclaimer: I just finished eight hours of paper-writing madness... so if this doesn't make sense or it appears I have lost my mind... please wait a day or two and things will go back to normal...

That one snuck up on me! Today I sat down to write my first paper for school and the hunger monster showed up. It is such a complex paper that I cried a least four separate times about it over the last three days. Really. A good BOOFUCKINGWHO (thanks Pam)!! I felt really sorry for myself and relished in the pity party. I seemed to have picked the single most challenging English Composition Instructor on earth. Although very helpful, she makes my brain hurt! I wondered why her classes were not filled up and that I was able to get in- and now I know. She is a tear-maker. A button-pusher. A brain-squeezer. 

In my case she is a trigger- shaker. All of my anxiety over school has come rushing out! Blah! It is not her fault though, I would like to say that she reached into my mind and made me hungry... It is your fault lady! Unfortunately, on my journey to health I have to admit that my anxiety causes me to want to eat for hours at a time. 

I found myself lurking in the kitchen today. I didn't even turn on the lights but would slide in and take a little extra here and there. It was stupid. I ate 3100-ish calories (confession) and that is pretty fucking high, since I didn't exercise and sat at my computer all day. I don't feel like the world is ending but I am pretty sure that I ate around 2500... I just DO NOT LOSE WEIGHT EATING LIKE THIS WITHOUT EXERCISE. 

I am feeling hopeful though, I have the first draft of the paper written and all I have to do is add a conclusion within the next day. Then I can forget about it until Saturday when I have to touch up for the final draft. I can calm the anxiety and relax because the bulk of the work is done. 

I am trying to keep up with the reading but I have some serious studying for my other two classes to do in the next couple of days so we are looking at Friday being the first day I can spend a couple of hours doing some inspirational reading. I love you guys! 

I have a really full day tomorrow and I have the goal reel myself back in by eating three meals and one snack around 1700 calories total. We will see!