The feeling of contradiction runs high when I am trying to be mindful but NOT obsess about food, weight and calories. I know there is a difference but it doesn't always feel like it. Before I started working on these changes, eating was a way to disconnect from my issues and emotions. Now that I have to live in the moment I don't get the satisfaction of being away. I am tired because of it!
Now matter how much spinach I eat I cannot get the calm from it like I used to get with a huge melted cheese centered dish with a pint of ice cream on the side... I mean the endorphins do not run free when the spinach hits your blood stream... haha!
In the process of feeling low I have had a pretty negative outlook on things this week. It is a pretty sure thing that when I am pissy and grumpy about working on my weight loss that I do not lose as much. I am not saying that living in denial with a sheet cake and a spoon in front of me is going to promote weight loss as long as I keep positive... but I am saying that the more relaxed and content I am, the more weight I lose. So I am not very optimistic about tomorrow's weigh in. I am also having some issues with the latter part of digestion and things have slowed down to a stop the last two out of three days- anyway. Blah. Blah.
I am still feeling kind of grumpy today. I have eaten really well today in response to some questionable choices that I have made in the last four days. I have taken the easy way out a few times instead of cooking dinner; which included mexican food one night and pizza another. I just finished two cups of cooked fresh spinach, two boiled eggs and a packet of low sugar instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of crushed walnuts and a tablespoon of wheatgerm added. I usually don't do much lunch but I felt hungry and like I might make bad choices in the form of salty snacks if I didn't sit down and eat a meal.
I have a class tonight and the thought of it is making me want to tear out my eyebrows. I am going to relax and watch some re-runs of What Not To Wear (TLC) which is my fourth favorite show of all time... 1. Colbert Report, 2. The Daily Show, 3. The Office, 4. What Not to Wear, 5. Saturday Night Live.... (random insert of favorite shows... kind of made me feel better because I just had a swell of pride that I have such a great taste in Television)....haaahhhhaaa!
