Well... it has been a couple of days since the initial in-law disaster, and it is not really getting any better. The more we find out about the extreme level of irresponsibility of my mother-in-law, and the FUCKINGASSHAT behavior my brother-in-law is exhibiting, the more I want to punch things. My husband handles things a little better, mostly because they are his family he has know for his whole life. I am having a really hard NOT abusing my emergency supply of Valium. I am having extreme anxiety/rage over the situation, and it is hard to bring down my freak-out once it has started.
I am not very big on Valium, and that is why it is an "emergency" supply. I just don't know how I am going to get through this without inducing a stroke. During my walk tonight I thought a lot about why I am so wound up about the situation (like terror threat red), and why I can't wind down. I kind of got to the heart of it... I guess I found a way to protect myself from my parents, by moving far, far away, and not visiting them. With the husbands parents, I don't have the control over the situation that I do with mine. I avoid visiting them, but my husband has not enforced boundaries with them- boundaries have not really been needed with them until just recently because the problems are progressing rather severely.
Anyway. I could go on all night about this situation. I am working my hardest to stay sane, and not abuse drugs (ha!). I have had a couple of days of eating less than usual, but it is not going to make that much of a difference because I have been very sedentary. The day after the explosion I ended up missing my entire day of school because I ended up with a migraine... and it was BAD.
This is a huge trial for me, but also a showing of my progress in becoming a whole person. I have never dealt with this level of anger, but I have never dealt with any anger without eating myself to maximum capacity. If I can get through this, and still make progress with my weight loss... I will be a happy girl.
