Yesterday went really well with my husband. We ran errands, went out to lunch, and then ended the day with a movie (yes Bruno, it was MUTHERFUCKINGAMAZING (if you are sensitive to vulgarity, crude and profane sexual humor... don't bother)). Anyway. It was a great day for some bonding, and catching up.
So for our relationship- good. For my health... not so good. On Wednesday I took the dogs on a long walk and got ball-of-the-foot-blisters. Every once in a while I get hit with them, and they suck because they are deep and it hurts just to stand on them. On Thursday I decided to slap some moleskin OVER them and go ahead and walk... if you have ever used moleskin you know that it almost glues itself to the skin... BADFUCKINGCHOICE. When I pulled the moleskin off later it ripped off the superthick blister skin (sorry, gross) and left bright red, raw patches on the bottom of my feet. What was the point of that disgusting description??
When I am "on" with exercising it is much easier for me to be moderate with my food intake. When I am unable to workout, or walk, or do something tremendous... it kind of pushes me off balance. Yesterday I couldn't work out, walk, or really do much standing on my feet, and I felt a little out of control of my circumstances, and helpless. Now, we all understand that you don't have to exercise to lose weight, but it sure helps if you are not the best at low calorie eating. I also use exercise to help control my anxiety. When we went out to lunch I made good choices with my portions (the husband picked the restaurant and it was disgusting food)... as the day progressed I started to get a little anxious, and then kind of obsessive over how the day was going... lack of activity... indigestible food... life... I ended up just below 3000 calories, but about 2000 of that was fat/sugar. There was a grocery store and some crappy purchases. In the bigger picture a 3000 calorie day is no big deal... but the fact that I let my worry/anxiety/restlessness derail me from my health goals- that is where I want the change to happen. I want to be able to take a day off from working out, or eat at foul meal and not freak out. I want to let my body heal, and not end up so wound up that I eat a sugar bomb to get relief. It is the snowball of not following some part of my plan ends up in a downhill slide- kind of takes out every other bit of my other healthy habits, and turns it into a destructive cluster-fuck!
I may have basically dropped the technical act of bingeing, but I certainly still struggle with medicating myself with food (certain types)... Just another part of my journey, and another goal to work towards.
I did a killer workout at the gym today, but I did not feel well after because I didn't have a lot of "real" energy. A shit day of sugar will NOT get me through the next day! I have an afternoon of yard work to tend to, and some nutritious food that needs to be eaten. I can hear the lawn mower calling my name- ha!
