After last week... I went into the weekend a bit fried, and frazzled. I studied for an okay amount of time on Saturday, but on Sunday I did not get as much as I wanted in. Various reasons to do with some struggles with my current meds, and some other boring shit. Blah. Blah.
I guess that at some point I started feeling guilty for NOT studying during all of my waking hours (at least between 8am and 8pm), and even on the weekends. There is some kind of new compulsion over studying that I have developed- the only way to relieve my anxiety over keeping my grades up is to study more (and more). Literally compulsive. If I do not study "enough" my anxiety rises fast, and I regret doing other stuff besides studying. I can remember each time I had a chance to study and I chose to do something else last week. Like going to the grocery store, or relaxing for a couple of hours on Sunday afternoon. I am going to have to reign this in pretty quick.
I did take an hour to see the shrink today. It was pointed out to me that I was talking at a fast and furious pace with out any real structure... she kept trying to steer me back on track, and finally stopped me. Pointed out that I was racing, and functioning at this dash-through pace, but really hurting myself by getting so wound up. I have neglected some basic things- even in my thinking. I was kind of floored by how fast I was going, and after her intervention in my diatribe I burst into tears, and relaxed into the couch. Although I felt like I could get back right into the warp speed, I was able to calm down, and prioritize the rest of my day (in a sane fashion).
Obviously the session with the shrink was a bit more extensive, but that was pretty crazy to be stopped in my tracks like that. I am typically seen as a "calm", but exteriors can be deceiving. Anyway. I had a nice reality check with the shrink, and was able to come to some better place with accepting the day, and calming down.
Love the shrink! Hey- some of you guys left some really awesome comments on my last post (of course a few others made me fucking crack up)!! I enjoyed hearing about what you guys do so well!
