Fell of the Wagon and hit my head...

Wow! The last day has been tough! Tough and stupid. I feel kind of like I just woke up from a coma. We had a crappy Thanksgiving and it turned into a crappy 24 hour period of shit eating. There was no binge but there was a lot of feeling like I didn't care and would eat what I wanted. 

We spent Thanksgiving in Lewiston, Idaho, with my husband's family. We ended up being duped into eating with some of the in-law's insane neighbors. They are terrible, pushy assholes and we had shit food and worse company. I actually ate very little because the food was so gross. We brought the turkey and an amazing salad and that is all I ate because the insane neighbors cook like they have no taste buds and no sense. 

On our way back from Lewiston, my husband and I bitched and moaned and got pretty worked up about how terrible the day had turned out and how un-Thanksgiving everything was. When we got home we ordered pizza and I went out and got drinks and dessert. Not good. Why? I got sick as hell again, just like I did on the Day-After-Halloween-Party. It was a combination of really unhealthy food and sugar and it made me sick. All morning I was indisposed and by the time I felt better I was so grumpy that I just piled some more shit on my plate. 

Thankfully, tonight I felt the looming terror of another day of sickness and cleaned things up with a large dose of green veggies. I cannot believe how intolerant my body is to junk food now! It is really a shock because I have eaten SO BAD for SO LONG and now after two months of extra healthy eating I am almost allergic to it. I need to keep that in mind because it really sucks to celebrate the holiday and eating whatever and then having some kind of system explosion. It is making my holiday memories blurred by flashes of (sorry, I know, TMI) sitting on the crapper, staring at the wall and being in terrible pain. 

Christmas is less than a month away and I need to make sure that I really rein myself in so I don't do this again. I loved the turkey and salad thing and maybe we can have a super-duper turkey and an amazing salad with some fresh bread and call it a day. Something has to change. 

Progress. Week Five Update.

UGH! Week five was tough! I went through a lot this week; my husband and I had a fairly tense week and he also went down to visit his father in Lewiston, Idaho. His father is sick with lung and colon cancer. So, we struggled this week to see eye to eye on everything and it made it hard that he has been sad and stressed out about his father. 

We also attended a "November 1st Halloween Party"... I didn't dress up- here is a picture of my Halloween effort compared to my friend's. Still had fun though! The challenge was the food- since I have been on a rather steady diet of lean meats, veggies, whole grains and fruits... Well, lets just say that the dinner of pigs in a blanket, pizza, chips and dip and alcohol didn't really agree with me. I also did some drinking which gave my system quite a shock.

 The moral of the story is I ate moderately with food of questionable content and drank sugared, tasty, alcoholic beverages and the combination made me sick about six hours later and I ended up vomiting in the early hours of the next morning. I am not one to get sick from drinking, so I am pretty sure it was the whole combination of food and drinks my system is not used to now. 

I don't regret eating the food but I must remember in the future to only have a couple of small items and not have an entire dinner of that kind of food. I think that eating a small and nutritious dinner before hand and enjoying a couple of snacks during the evening might keep me from having a repeat. I mean, lets face it... pizza and sausage taste good! 

This morning I weighed in and found that I was about a 1/2 pound down from last week. I want to say ONLY a 1/2 pound but I don't feel bad about it at all. I am pretty sure that my body is dehydrated and retaining water from my vomiting yesterday morning. In the past I might have freaked out about something like only losing a 1/2 pound- either way (if I hit a plateau and only lost a 1/2 pound or if I lost more but my system is in shock) I am okay with the situation.  

Part of becoming changing my relationship with food is changing how I feel about weight loss and my body. When I got off the scale this morning I thought...

1. I have lost twenty-five pounds in thirty-five days!

2. I have not binged in thirty-five days! 

3. I feel great about the changes I have made!

4. I am strong and am changing the way I think about things and I am beautiful and strong the way I am even if I never lose another pound! 

5. I am going to stay strong and continue practicing balance in my life. 

I feel pretty fucking good today. I feel better about myself than I have in years! I want to keep on pressing forward and kicking ass. I want to be better than yesterday, everyday, even if it is just a tiny, baby step!