Relationships. Food. Recovery.

One of my most important goals is to be able to be active again. Not in the sense of being able to just do the minimum- but to be able to do activities that I really love. For instance, I used to rock climb and I want to again. It is physically impossible for me to now. Period.

My goals concerning weight loss are not defined. Weight loss, FOR ME, is part of my recovery from abusing my body with food. Not everyone's recovery from bad food relationships includes weight loss. I have no goals to be a certain weight or look a certain way but I do have goals that include being able to do things (rock climbing and running are two of them). One aspect of changing who I am is changing my relationship with food. Using food to avoid emotions and abuse myself happen to be unhealthy behaviors I want to change and that have destroyed my life. 

During the last three weeks I have used abstinence from some foods as a tool. It is a technique that my therapist and I agreed upon and it is being supervised so it does not turn into restriction. It is really easy for me to go straight in the opposite direction and use restriction for abuse purposes and that is not a behavior I want to employ either. 

Part of my recovery will include introducing problems foods back into my diet in moderate, balanced amounts. I would like to enjoy birthday cake on my birthday but I don't want to binge on cake on a regular basis. I would like to enjoy cheese in moderation and not in a 2,500 calorie cracker and cheese binge. I think you get the point. 

I am trying to express that recovering from food issues, eating disorders... whatever- is not about copying what works for one person but about designing a recovery that works for you. My recovery happens to include some food abstinence and weight loss but with a therapist and doctor's supervision.  

A Typical Day in Food.

I want to make sure I record what I am eating but I also want to make sure it doesn't become obsessive. In my quest to be a healthier me I want to live balanced with a relaxed relationship with food with appropriate boundaries. So, occasionally I would like to give a food update. 

I have been keeping with the extra goals of abstaining from sugar for thirty days, white flour for twenty days (likely to become for good) and dairy for fifteen days. Last tuesday I reintroduced dairy with the addition of a small serving of milk to my day. I have decided to continue to abstain from cheese just because I am still craving it and have had problems using it in the past as a binge food. 

A typical day of food for me is:

Breakfast (6:30 AM) one cup of raisin bran with one cup of soy milk.

Snack #1 (10 AM) one sliced apple and a home made latte (2/3 cup of low fat milk + 2 shots of espresso + a tiny bit of splenda).

Lunch (12 PM) two lunch meat wraps (about 200 calories of lunch meat + mustard+ pickles) with a heap of steamed string beans or raw baby carrots and a sliced piece of fruit (apple or pear) and 4 corn tortilla chips. I usually try to drink about 32 oz. of water during this hour.

Dinner (6 PM) bbq chicken (around 4 oz.) with either roasted potatoes or a whole grain (brown rice, bulgur, barley) and a heap of steamed vegetables. I usually add a tbsp. of butter and a cup of chopped onions to the whole grain mixture (about 1 tbsp of butter for four servings) and if we are having roasted potatoes about a tbsp. of olive oil (again 4 servings). My husband eats the leftovers for lunch and I always try to make extra.

Snack #2 (9 PM) 2- 4 cups of popcorn ( two if it is a higher calorie kind and four if it is fat free). 

So, that is pretty typical and pretty consistent. It is very important for me to have a snack at night. It was a huge binge time for me and if I get too hungry before bed I have HUGE anxiety issues. I would like to phase that out eventually but for right now it is important to me to learn to live without bingeing. I try to listen to my body and add a few extra calories if I get extra hungry or a little light headed.

I truly believe that everyone's successful weight loss comes from their own mixture of healthy foods and portion control. I am sure that my needs will change nutritionally as I get further along. It is why all of the diet programs, books, t.v. shows- whatever don't seem to work. It really boils down to you and I as individuals. Listening to your body and trial and error and making adjustments. It is important to study about nutrition and it's various philosophies. I have leaned so much over the years. I have read every diet scheme and theory there is and not a single one appeals to me to follow religiously. BUT there are aspects of some that I can take and use. What it is really about is- finding YOUR OWN PATH.